Motherhood and Women’s Dual Identities
Exploring the many dimensions of motherhood
Dear readers, Happy Belated Mother’s Day!
We apologize earnestly for being late with this edition, with all the uncertainty and plight surrounding us, we too are finding it difficult to be completely on track. Therefore sometimes we are sidetracked and paced down, but we are striving every day to make sure the best content reaches you!
Our lives have a predefined cycle of graduating, finding a job that pays well, settling down into it, getting married, and then having kids - becoming parents. That cycle for women is non-negotiable but we know that women of today can tear any structure apart by their choices. A woman has many identities - of a daughter, a sister, but today we will talk about a woman’s identity as a Mother. I often wonder if the concept of motherhood means having to give all your time to your children - without question.
“Does having children take away the necessary solitude, the alone time. And I know it is selfish or maybe wrong to think about this which is why I think society conspires to get its girls married and mothering young, shipped straight from their parents’ homes to their husband’s and then immediately badgered for “good news”. There’s a dangerous thing that happens if a woman feels free, even momentarily. She might refuse to ever feel any other way again.” writes Rega Jha.
Our mothers are often said to have dual identities and if they are working mothers then “double shifts”. Women are questioned if they ever demand time off from their “double shifts” and are termed as “incapable” or questioned with “Why would anyone want to be away from their children?” There is always a parallel between solitude and Motherhood, that those two cannot really exist together and when the children grow enough to be on their own, a mother forgets what it is like to be without them and lives in her own silence. She forgets how to be in solitude or perhaps rather falls out of it. We have seen our mothers living their lives for us, most of us have rarely come across where they dissolve into a time just for them.
While it’s true that to embark on a journey as beautiful as motherhood, is equally challenging and societal expectations don't really let them be addressed over dinner table discussions. To start with - the first experience of being a mother is often not so exciting. In an article by New York Times, a mother shares how harrowing the period of postpartum depression with her first child was. In non-pandemic times, as many as 14 percent of women will suffer from pregnancy-related anxiety, which refers to fears that women have about their own health and their baby’s over the course of pregnancy and delivery.
We will be witnessing a generation of women who would question the societal definition of motherhood. Even as we wait in that world, women have been pushing forward into imagining new motherhood. Women who choose how to be a mother without fearing pity and disapproval from others. Women who adopt no co-parent to share caring with, who choose single motherhood and are able to provide single-handedly. Women who don't choose to be mothers at all.
Here are some other interesting reads for you:
How Coronavirus Exposes the Great Lie of Modern Motherhood: For too long, mothers have been held responsible for every aspect of their children’s well-being.
“We’re competing right from school or xyz that we are trained by ourselves to believe that if we are not red-lining or if we don’t overcome with effort then we’re not doing a good job which compels us to seek many complicated paths.” Tim Ferris on How to cope up with feeling unfocused and overwhelmed.
How to parent yourself: How our parents behave has laid down a template in our minds on how we should respond to challenges. But we don't need to be forever stuck with the kind of care which we imbibe in our early years. We by nature have the ability to parent ourselves.
It was also Rabindranath Tagore’s Birthday few days back and we want to share some of his work which has never failed to move people and their emotions.
Paper Boats- Rabindranath Tagore
Day by day I float my paper boats one by one down the running
stream.
In big black letters I write my name on them and the name of
the village where I live.
I hope that someone in some strange land will find them and
know who I am.
I load my little boats with shiuli flower from our garden, and
hope that these blooms of the dawn will be carried safely to land
in the night.
I launch my paper boats and look up into the sky and see the
little clouds setting thee white bulging sails.
I know not what playmate of mine in the sky sends them down
the air to race with my boats!
When night comes I bury my face in my arms and dream that my
paper boats float on and on under the midnight stars.
The fairies of sleep are sailing in them, and the lading ins
their baskets full of dreams.
You can also read more of his literature here.
Let us know in the comments below how your understanding of motherhood has changed over the years and how it has affected your personal relationships. Or you can also reach out to us directly on our official social media handle @platformforartists.
Take care, stay safe, spend more time with your loved ones and most importantly be mindful of your mental health!